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Author: Sadashivan Nair Article source: http://www.sadashivan.com/. Used with author's permission.
Her dreams of marriage and collected marriage values disintegrate when she finds her husband/partner is sharing with others what was meant for her. The partner is her/his own property and dignity that she does not want to loose. Her man for her is everything, whatever kind he is, she manages and sacrifices to get along as long as he is honest and dependable. Infidelity by her man is attack on her marital status and is suicidal for her:
She looses the trust and dependability; who would she trust when own man has cheated. She is devastated sensitively and mentally. She leads her tensed life with grieving emotions would be enough to develop mental and physical deceases.
Both partners believe sexual partner as a personal valuable asset that demonstrates dignity and pride. A sexual partner is most valued partner becomes own dignity thus loosing partner is loosing dignity. Unfaithfulness of the partner is an insult to the personal values. So the matter becomes unbearable and embarrassment if partner's sexual attraction goes into others hands is shameful and loosing self-respect.
Her financial and other security is at risk. For a woman, her male partner is her security and safety. In addition, for a woman who is dependent, her man is the economic security. Her man shares her necessities, burdens, takes responsibilities of her, and kids. When he is there she is totally worry free.
Loss of the best and emotional friend/partner she got. She, as she wished could share with partner her sentiments, anger, sorrow and everything of her was for her mental relief, what she cannot share with unknown. So is an emotional attack on her.
For a woman it is pride when her man is around her. Absence of the partner results loneliness, which she would hate more than anything. Loneliness exists when is unable to share personal thoughts and sentiments with reliable person, is like killing self.
She/he is not worried of her/his relation out side marriage rather what worries him/her is loosing emotional attachment woven during the whole episode. So more than the security she looses the emotional values she possessed and shared. Security is for survival and emotional attachment is for the energy she needs for existence. That is why women feel totally distressed when her man deceives.
For a man his woman is his dignity and for a woman her man is her dignity and identity. Her man is her identity as father of her children. Her man is her identity as her security.
Living and sharing together is attachment of both souls they unknowingly build. Feeling of oneness contributes to energetic atmosphere. Feeling of meant for each other with who can fight, love, share, capitulate, expect, involve sentimentally and etc; all attachments are disintegrated when one cheats. Woman is more touching as uses heart more than the brain to visualize so is intolerable for her that her man shares his life with other woman too.
Infidelity is psychological syndrome created by attraction of the opposite, genetic and discontented behaviour, unrelenting sexual and emotional craving. Infidelity is an outcome of fading ambience, dislike, despair, humiliation, loneliness and etc. No adult person can escape the attraction of opposite sex, it influences our mind to admire and capitulate towards the quality. Some attractions are too strong to influence us to get involved emotionally despite married life; this involvement of extra marital is named by the society as infidelity. Woman too is human, she too has feelings and her body chemicals too react by mental signals when comes in contact with attractive person. She too perceives the virtues of attraction and imagines relating with, but in many occasions her conscious prevents getting involved observing the danger of family and social consequences. In developed countries she has rights to leave the partner for better. But when she keeps two philanders simultaneously becomes offence and is extra marital relation.
Most marriages in rural and urban developing countries are arranged by parents. Both would be partners are unknown to each other. In our religious fundamental world woman is a second citizen so has to live with the person loaded on her. Woman's role is to maintain home, taking care of children and at night to act as sexual toy, beyond these if she thinks is an offence which society can to tolerate. Woman has to accept all the terms and conditions of the male partner. If the partner is disgusting still she has to live under his cruelty, undependability and humiliation. She has no other choice as religious and social rights are curtailed; she suppresses her desires and dreams of married life and consoles as this is her fate. For her life on earth is the penalty for sins she committed in her previous birth. Even Government laws can not protect them as social and its religious laws are more effective. If she wants to live in the society she has to obey the social compulsions. She can not leave the unmatched and seek partner of own choice because it is religious crime. If likes other man of own choice the only way-out for her is to make affair in her dreams. Fear of repentance is so dominant that she is scared even to dream the liking person. If by mistake the pre marital love affair is disclosed becomes humiliating for whole life. It is beyond imagination of her man to accept as her past relation hurts his dignity and pride for not having virgin woman as a wife. She has to succeed the test of virginity in the first night of marriage. If she fails is either sent back to the parents blaming her impurity or left to suffer for whole life.
Whether developed or undeveloped or religious fundamental country, woman is human she too possesses the sentiments and desire to look attractive to be liked by others. Woman by nature are very much conscious about their look is the nature's law and the sense behind this is to look attractive. The attraction is an enticement to men to act in order to lure women for physical contact. Some women escape keeping the social obligations in mind and some get lured to initiate relation. Attraction is such an enticement that some fall victim to it. Most control in fear of social consequences by suppressing their craving. Yet with some, emotions overpower so get involved unconsciously for emotional attachment. Impact of social obligations is too strong in religion dominated countries that she is made to repent for her involvement. She is desecrated by the society for violating social norms and becomes hatred for family and society. She becomes evil and treatment is in accordance to her status:
First she looses is the emotional attachment in the family with whom she felt comfortable. In case she despised, she may feel internally punishing the partner but externally she is still helpless and needs a home to live, as she can not live alone in this unsecured world.
She suffers when the truth comes out to deteriorate her married life, makes her life hell. She comes under threats, violence and humiliation from husband/partner.
Her secret love affairs for craving is unbearable to the religion so she is punished and desecrated to set an example so others do not go for such conduct.
Dependant woman looses her economic security and safety. Society and its religion quarantine her to discourage participation and involvement in social activities.
Suspicion of husband/partner as father of her children becomes humiliation to her. She suffers identity crisis.
Even though husband/partner forgives the infidelity yet the feelings and pain remains in the heart thus home is no longer sweet home to unfaithful wife.
Break from the existing home is anxiety which she has to carry whole life whenever her memory rebounds.
A child questioning her for loss of father is embarrassment.
She may be economically secured but not emotionally what she shared and stored.
Link to this article:
http://www.sadashivan.com/marriagedreamswhenfails/index.html Living and sharing together is an attachment of both souls they unknowingly build. Feeling of oneness contributes to energetic atmosphere. Feeling of meant for each other with who can fight, love, share, capitulate, expect, involve sentimentally and etc; all attachments are disintegrated when one cheats. Woman is more touching as uses heart more than the brain to visualize so is intolerable for her that her man shares his life with other woman too.
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