|
Author: Wayne Mitchell Article source: http://www.theallineed.com/. Used with author's permission.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 5, 2003
I'm very disturbed these days, and if it continues, I might get mad soon. I am 28. I recently went to see my parents in India and met a girl for marital purposes. I got convinced by my parents and family she is a perfect match for me.
In an impulsive moment I said yes and got engaged. Very soon afterwards I realized I don't like her, and there are major compatibility and personality issues between us. Now my parents and her parents are pushing for marriage as soon as possible.
I tried to speak to them and the girl about all the things going on in my mind. From that moment on I was like a rebel in the family, and everyone is against me. They want me to marry this girl. I told the girl I want to call it off, but she doesn't agree to my theory.
I know deep inside me it's not going to work, but at the same time I love my parents and don't want to make things ugly. If we marry, I can see we will both live a miserable life as I won't be able to develop love for her, and it will end in a dreadful divorce.
Ajay
Ajay, what a way to step into marriage! You thought you were going home for a family visit, and your parents thought they were planning the rest of your life. You don't like your prospective bride, and now you have to weigh why this decision does not belong to you.
In these circumstances many people cave in. In an odd twist of fate those forced into marriage often become defenders of arranged marriage, just as those hazed joining a fraternity enthusiastically haze new members.
You would like to find a reason which will silence all arguments on the other side, but the more you justify yourself, the more they will wear you down with counter arguments and "success stories." The problem with letting other people make decisions for us is that we, not they, have to live with the consequences.
The only thing they can't argue with is, "No." There is no appeal from a simple no. The worst thing your family can do is disown you. But they can only do that once. If you accede to their wishes now, they can use the hammer of disapproval over many other issues.
You have to decide what your life will be. That is part of growing up and becoming an adult. When you make your own decisions, good or bad, you will feel life is under your control. There is a sense of justice, a deep sense of fairness, in a life lived this way.
Tamara
Upstairs Downstairs
I met my downstairs neighbor on a Saturday morning a month ago when he complained about my loud music. He noted it's good music, but this particular day it was past his breaking point. I felt horrible, but I couldn't remember his face because I hadn't put my contacts in. I recall another time he banged on the ceiling at 1 a.m.
Last week we spoke again about neighborly ground rules. It was a comfortable and easy conversation. I wore my contacts, and yes, he is cute. He noted whenever I see his car in the driveway, he's home, except for next Thursday when he'll be at a game. Is this a hint to follow up on?
Torri
Torri, this is definitely a hint to follow up on, but the question is what is he hinting.
My guess is he thinks you are his annoying neighbor who plays her music too loud. If that's right, he wants the car in the driveway to be a warning to you to keep the music down and stop dancing on his head. But he could have other intentions. If so, they will soon be plain enough.
Wayne About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
The Power of Small Business Branding Through Private Labeling
Use private label marketing to boost your business profits. Examples from within the beverage / tea industry...
Planning and Evaluating Marketing Programs
Measuring and understanding your Website's success is a critical process that is sometimes overlooked. Many times, marketing efforts stop at getting traffic to ...
Some Online Tools to Make a Mark on Internet
If you are simply dreaming of "having" a Website. It's okay….. But if you are keen on "making" your own mark in the Web, and really interested in authoring it, ...
Wonderful White Gold Wedding Rings
The elegant and sophisticated look of glittering, gleaming gold. There's nothing quite like it. Some people never grow tired of the look of pure gold jewelry. G...
Dump Your Speeches For Leadership Talks
Most leaders communicate through speeches and presentations. But there is a much more effective means of communication: that's The Leadership Talk. The Leader...
Bad Credit Mortgage Loans - Are You Killing Your Chances of Getting Approved?
There are a few things you can do unknowingly that will sabotage your efforts to get approved for a mortgage loan. Try to avoid doing these 3 things.
Does Six Sigma Need to Have the Support of Upper Management?
Have you ever had the unfortunate experience of working where management does not fully realize or understand the value of investing the extra time and effort r...
Endometriosis Symptoms - What Are the Signs Symptoms of Endometriosis?
Endometriosis symptoms afflict about 7 million American women and are one of the most painful conditions a woman will ever have to deal with. Here are the comm...
Gambling Interesting Facts
Soccerbetting Is there such thing as "kangtao" or surewin tips? I have seen alot of people debating over the issues of this "kangtao" or surewin tips. In actua...
Five Credit Card Billing Problems and How to Fix Them
It goes without saying that your first and best defense against paying fraudulent or unfair charges on your credit card is knowing what your bill says! When you...
Composting the Easy Way
Do you want to make beautiful compost for your garden but feel you don't have time? This article shows you how to easily make rich compost without a lot of bac...
How to Lose Weight On A Gluten Free Diet
Do you suffer from Celiac Disease or gluten intolerance?
Are you over weight?
Do you want to lose weight on a gluten-free diet?
Do you want to feel feel fit on...
Top 50 Music Quotations
Discover the phenomenonal complexity of music and reflect on the way it can positively influence your life with this sound collection of riveting quotes...
Living Life In A Time Starved World
Recently I saw an advertisement for a time management booklet: "Shorter deadlines, competing priorities, endless meetings, interruptions and even higher quality...
Motorola RAZR V3 Camera Phone
Months before my current cell phone plan expires, I like to begin diligently researching my options by checking out all the plans and models out there. The Moto...
Your First Step to Success – Eliminate Inner Obstacles
To succeed at a change you need to learn to overcome inner obstacles by addressing them courageously and with determination. Obstacles are not your enemy, but a...
The Road to Debt Relief
Everyday people get into debt, but everyday people are looking for ways to debt relief, whether it is through self-help, credit counseling, dept management prog...
The Seven Secrets of Weight Loss
Each of the seven secrets represents the seven necessary components needed to achieve maximum weight loss...
Get The Bling Without The Sting - Affordable Engagement Rings
Just because you don't have a lot of money doesn't mean you can't find an affordable engagement ring that looks like it cost a fortune.
Abundance or Scarcity: What Belief Do You Choose to Engage?
Life is full of daily challenges. However, it is our beliefs that set the stage for how we handle these challenges. Read on how to better understand how you re...
Reframing with NLP For Enhanced Happiness
Have you ever considered that the way in which you frame your life experiences has been a way in which orchestrated how your experience was? This article is all...
Bad Credit? No Credit? Yeah, Its a Problem.
Many companies use the slogan "Bad Credit? No Credit? No Problem!" The truth is that it is in fact a problem and there is no easy way to correct it. It take...
10 Tips: How to Get in Shape without Sweating
Tip #1: The *Brazilian move*. The good thing about this move is that you don't need to go a gym to do it, you don't even need to find time in your day. Why? ...
Paid Assassins
The civil war in Iraq seems to be much more mild than some had been predicted. Many pundits painted a doom and gloom scenario out of control. Yet we are see the...
|
Print this page