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It's strange how my life today looks wildly different from the way it was in the beginning of my Christian walk. My spiritual life cooled after being burned by a fellow Christian a few years back. Then, unthinkable challenges, such as adultery and divorce, came my way. I became someone far different from the bible believing, Jesus freak I thought I was.
Recently, I opened my bible and read verses I hadn't read in years. I hardly recognized myself. I felt so far off from God and it made me afraid, very afraid. Suddenly, I was in a crisis. A crisis that left me with only two options. The first, completely turn my life upside down and take drastic, tragic measures to make my life look more godly, or never, ever open that book again!
I decided, in a moment of panic, I couldn't live up to God's instruction. I decided I need to live in the world. I needed to be a casual believer—believing, but not searching God's word for more, or seeking God deeper. Because when I search for more, or I seek deeper, I only see my horrid state. Sadly, I was, for the moment, misled by a successful tactic used on much of the world.
When I read my bible that day, I used the verses I read to condemn myself. I let the verses tell me God is too strict, harshly expecting me to be perfect, to live perfectly. This is wrong. I should have allowed his words to convict me.
I took the map God gave me (my bible) and when the map showed I needed to be in one place (righteous), but because I was in another (unrighteous), I wanted to rip up the map (my bible), fall to my face, curse, and doom myself because I wasn't on target. Imagine I did this. I would have been doomed, but by my own making. What if, or when, I decide to pick myself up? How will I find the right road when all I have is a ripped up map?
I misread God's intentions for giving me this map. I thought for a moment it told me I am damned, worthless, useless. Yet God's map was for direction, for conviction, to convince me of my misdirection, so I could make my way to the place he wants me to be.
God hands us the map, points, and says lovingly, "Look at where you are compared to where you should be, where I want to get you to. Now ease your way there. And by the way, here, I'll walk with you and help you along your way. You know I have told you no matter where you go, how you get there, regardless of how far off the path you wander...I will never, ever leave you!" (see Hebrews 13:5)
This is what the LORD says- he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." - Isaiah 43:16, 18 and 19
Tiffany Twist is the author of two books, TIFFANY TWISTED: exposed, unraveled, rewritten (June 2004 by Expert Publishing Inc.) and SOME DANCE: Hey Bartender, I'll take a decade of marriage on the rocks, a therapist straight up, and a fantasy guy with a twist (April 2005 by et al Publishing)
Tiffany has filmed for E! Television and Style Network's top rated "Diary of an Affair" to air in April 2005 and has currently been contacted by producers from both Oprah and Dr. Phil.
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