What Did I Do? Will Someone Tell me?

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Author: Maria Boomhower

Article source: http://www.advicelife.com/. Used with author's permission.

There are many systems, psychology analyzes and personality typing in order to help people understand one another.

One of the areas that causes a lot of grief in business and especially in relationships, is that no matter what category you fall into you are either a:

Say
Show
Feel

Discovering what the other person is in this area, can take you a long way in building relations, credibility, confidence and the ability to make the other person happy.

Why so much in one area. Based on the persons type,(and most don't even realize which they are) on a subconscious level they expect the other person to treat them the same way.

Here is an example of how this works:

At home:
A husband come home with flowers and says here, the wife says that's nice but doesn't seem overly thrilled.

He gets annoyed and says what's wrong. She says why can you say be that you love me?

He now upset says, I just did, I brought you flowers didn't I? She gets up set and leaves the room. He throws up his arms and says, "I just can't win."

At work:
The manager notices that his crew did a great job on the last project. He thinks, I should do something for them. He goes out and gets something. It could be anything from donuts to a bonus on their next check. Yet, 2/3rds of them seem upset. He thinks great! There is just no pleasing some people, why do I even try?

So, what is happening with these two scenarios?

People accept and desire appreciation shown in different manners.

For the at home example:
The man is a show type of personality. He understands and shows his love or appreciation by things. Where as his wife understands it by words. For another person, they would understand it only by being embraced, hugged or kissed. Yet, most of the time we don't even know for ourselves what we are and expect the other person to know.

For the at work example:
Some of the people just wanted to hear the boss say, "Hey, you did a great job". They would then try harder in the future to continue their work effort.

Others would prefer to have the boss come up, shake their hand, and feel the interaction show a more valid display of appreciation.

In each scenario, there will be people, who to show love or appreciation need:

Things
Words
Contact

By listen to how they answer your questions, it can be fairly easy to understand what they are. This can be very helpful when you have had a lot of conflict in a business or personal partnership:

Notice if they say:
I see, (Things oriented, also visual)
I hear what you are saying. (Appreciate words)
Or, I feel upset or happy. (Desire interaction)

No matter what type the person is, it is important to notice what language they are using. It is also important to remember that there are no hard and fast rules. Many people are a combination of two or all three. The important thing is to try out different ways and notice how they react to each.

This can go along way and bridging the gap in many communication barriers.

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