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Author: Ken Donaldson Article source: http://www.realationshipcoach.com/. Used with author's permission.
Your Life has one constant dynamic: Relationships. This is a actually a threefold dynamic that includes your intrapersonal relationship with yourself; the interpersonal relationships with your friends, family, and/or romantic partner; and the spiritual relationship with your Higher Power. Therefore, improving your "relational intelligence" makes perfect sense.
This is "The Relationship Tripod" with each of the three tripod legs being represented by your relationship with yourself, your relationship with others, and your relationship with your Higher Power. The tripod works best at stabilizing whatever is on it (your Life, in this case) when all three legs are firm and solid. If one or more of the legs are weak, there is an excessive burden put on the remaining leg(s) and a loss of stability.
The goal is to balance and strengthen these three areas of your Life so you can withstand the challenges of Life in a conscious and proactive fashion. I invite you to deepen your relational intelligence and expand your relational awareness...all to create more powerful relationships in your life, and to have the most powerful and fulfilling Life that you possibly can.
Relationship With Yourself
Purpose - Are you living your Life on purpose, or just accidentally? Many people struggle with knowing their true purpose, and therefore settle for whatever comes into their lives. What is it that really turns you on? What do you feel the most passionate about? Take some time to explore this.
Balance - Having a gauge to evaluate your balance is helpful in reinforcing your purpose, and in maintaining your health and well-being. Think of your purpose as the hub of a wheel, and all the various areas of your Life rotate around it. This would include areas such as social, spiritual, family, recreational, creativity, work/vocation, financial, physical, personal growth/emotional and physical environments. What needs to take place in each area for you to sustain the highest level of balance?
Vision - Purpose and balance without vision is like having all your possessions packed up and being ready to move, but having no idea where you are going to. So, what does your future look like? Visualize what you want it to look like. Go back to your Whole Life Wheel, and include each area in your visualization. Spend some time with this every day, as the more you visualize what you want, the more clear it will become. Try to let go of the "inner critic", that part that always tries to shoot down new ideas. Allow yourself to go way out of your comfort zone with this. Another helpful activity is to create a Vision Map.
The point of these exercises help to create a "metaphysical vacuum" that will pull you towards all that you desire, while pulling all that you desire towards you. This is the Law of Attraction in action. Remember, Life is a journey, and like Columbus, sometimes you may end up not where you expected, but rather, where you need to be. The big challenge is to let go of outcomes, as these may change, and focus on keeping yourself on the journey.
Relationships With Others
The "AbSOULutes" - These are the relationship dynamics and personal characteristics of others that you have to have in order to feel satisfied. Without these, the relationship cannot exist. Trying make a relationship fulfilling without these requirements is like trying to make an apple pie without apples....try and try as you may, but it will never work. These are the "Deal-makers and deal-breakers" and have no room for negotiation, lest you sell yourself out and come up empty. There are what also feed your Soul, hence the absence of them leave you feeling empty and dissatisfied.
Boundaries - These are your personal "property lines". This is where another person's space ends and yours begins. When you know your requirements and what is not acceptable and what you have to have, it is easier to define your boundaries. Allowing others into this space when you don't want them there creates imbalance and often manifests itself as fatigue and/or emotional overwhelm. Setting boundaries is often just the beginning; maintaining them is the true challenge as others will often test you for your consistency.
Communication - Being able to speak directly, clearly, and assertively is only the beginning of creating healthy communication. Listening is actually the most powerful dynamic of communicating. Being able to have non-reactive responses through mirroring and empathizing creates the most powerful position as well as maintaining much more of your energy. Think of yourself as being a bull-fighter and your job is to invite the dialogue your way, but to not get "hit" by it. In being a powerful listener, you actually have more control by trying to control less...yes, less is more in this case.
Relationship With Your Higher Power
Communing - When and where do you feel the most connected and the most alive? Whether it is at the beach, in the mountains, while you are dancing or singing, at church, in prayer or in a meditative trance; these are the times, places and activities in which you are having a Higher Experience. When you allow yourself to be at these places and in these spaces, you allow yourself to have spiritual connection that is fulfilling and that also automatically adds balance to your Life. Giving yourself regular doses of spiritual activity, or better yet, going on a spiritual retreat will do wonders for your spiritual relationship.
Journaling - Writing to affirm yourself, to do healing work, or to do growth work, can all be methods to enhance your spiritual connection. Write a letter to yourself to remind you of all your greatness, your talents, and your gifts. This can be a wonderful way to assist in fulfilling your Highest potential...your God-given Greatness. Write to let go of old wounds, or a letter of forgiveness to let go of old resentment. Both of these will set you free to be more in the present. The more you are in the present, and fully conscious, the more available you are to receive spiritual connection.
Reading - There are thousands of books on spiritual practice, with more coming out every day. If you are unsure of your spiritual path, do some reading and pay attention to what resonates with your Soul...those are likely to be the pieces you have been looking for. If you know your spiritual path, stretch yourself and do some reading beyond where you are. If you've already read them all, then maybe it's time to pass on some of your knowledge and wisdom....start writing that book (and/or article) you've been thinking about!!
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So here's the challenge: Make all your relationships REALationships, meaning relationships that are packed full of REALness. Live a Life of REALationships. Whether it is with others, yourself, or your Higher Power, allow yourself to be whole, balanced and on your path to your Highest Good. Ken Donaldson has been based in Tampa Bay offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. His REALationship Coaching programs empower people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships by building a powerful relationship with themselves first. Visit his website at http://www.REALationshipCoach.com for more information and sign-up his free e-program Illuminations and Sparks of Brilliance. Ken is also the author of the upcoming book Marry YourSelf First!
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