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Author: Rion Williams Article source: http://online-matchmaking-blog.blogspot.com/. Used with author's permission.
When most people think of going on a date, they're thinking okay maybe I will take her to a dinner and a movie. The entire framework or context for dating in our 50-50 society, is essentially the 'courtship' procedure.
Yes, you can go to dinner and a movie and actually have a chance of getting physical with the woman when your reality is strong enough, but otherwise what you are doing when you go on a traditional date is that you are in a societally defined traditional metaframe (or context) of a more serious relationship with a lot of unspoken words and high expectations.
When you go on dates it is this context or frame in which certain behavior patterns are expected. For a woman this means withholding sex, you buying her things for her attention and hoping to win her affection. These are all characteristics of a man who is courting and 'wooing' a woman for a very serious relationship.
This is a lot of pressure on a woman in that she feels obliged to give something back to you for buying her all of these things and will usually made just let you kissed her hand, will you are left on the porch feeling confused and unfulfilled. It is up to you as the man to set the frame of the relationship right at the very beginning on how it is going to be. You can keep her guessing and she will be 'interested' in you.
If you start doing what the rest of society is doing, you will probably not be successful with her as far as really being comfortable, having fun, getting to know her and accelerate in the relationship to a physical level for both of you. On the other hand, you can give women more of what they want and less of the expectation and high level of forced obligation, if you can just set up a different frame from the get-go.
This will be a relief to women if they choose to go with you because then they can really just be themselves and have fun. You could call this as the 'redefined date', and it is more aligned to what a woman wants today than a high level of expectation that is associated or connotated with courting her and taking her out and buying her things for her approval.
If you like walking on egg shells and delaying sex, and still not fulfilling her and not allowing both of you just to be relaxed and fun, then go ahead and go with society's definition of the traditional courtship date. The behavior patterns will automatically be plugged in when you go with that approach and you may be lucky to even get a kiss.
You will sit across the table and resent the fact that once again you will have to pay for her dinner without getting anything in return. The woman is not going to give away too much when you do this for several reasons.
One of the main reasons is because every other guy is offering it to her as well, so why should she just continue to be with you or accept any guy that comes along? She is really looking for a different guy who she can let her hair down with.
A guy that can this be lighthearted, cool, fun, funny, intelligent and knows how to tease her little bit and naturally increase the level of sexual tension between the two of you. This is just such a relief for a woman when she can find a man who behaves differently from all of the other men. A guy who 'gets it' is precious to her and she will be interested in you and may not want to let you go as long as you keep the balance right (but you know that you truly are the one in control, really because you can drop her at any time).
She will respect you more for being yourself and being comfortable around her, instead of walking on egg shells (or how about bubble wrap?), buying her things and basing it on money, and trying to hide your real agenda when you go with the traditional courtship behavior and metaframe. BTW, aren't you so glad that all of these women look so good all of the time?
So it is up to you to set the frame of the relationship, she is not going to, nor is she supposed to. You have to lead the way and let her know that you are not like the other guys. So a practical approach for this would be just to say, 'hey let's go do something' (where something is 'X' and I don't mean that kind of X). She expects you to lead and she will follow with the proper and biologically accurate power dynamic of you in control.
Take her somewhere where you can enjoy window shopping, inexpensive coffee or tea, a walk down an interesting part of your city, even a gallery or an arcade center, just something where the focus is not on you paying a lot in order to try and get something in return from her.
The focus really should be on just the two of you. Remember J. Lo said, "Love don't cost a thing", so there you go. The frame of the more redefined date is that you both can be a lot more comfortable with each other without any of the underlying expectations, hidden agendas or stress associated with traditional dating.
It is really a relief not only for you (because you can more easily display your own personality and character coming from your own frame), but it will be a great relief for her.
Just by going with the redefined data approach of calling her out and saying, "Hey, meet me here at ___" (instead of an expensive dinner, or buying her something) and then spending some time where both of you can kind of punch each other on the shoulder and stuff (in good jest) while more naturally develop a connection.
You will feel a lot better about yourself and your chances of succeeding with her are greatly amplified; especially if she has not had such a relief in a long time and you know how to dial up the attraction. Don't expect to 'get any' that night or at all, but rather let the relationship accelerate as it's own speed by you controlling it. The frame is that she will be lucky to 'get some' from you.
When you define the relationship as the accelerated mating program (AMP), you can often even skip the second (or initial meet up) and have her go straight over to your place. But that is another topic.
Don't buy her flowers. If you're going to buy her something get her something stupid and funny, like a candy ring or a candy necklace that does not have a lot of expectancy in return on her part.
This will be a relief to her and you will be so unlike every other guy who she still knows once just to get in bed with her and is going through all these painful techniques in the hopes of getting there, when all he may get is the opportunity to pay for the servitude in the presence of her graciousness. Copyright Dreamcore Productions, Ltd. 2005. Use of article is permissible as long as you make no changes or alterations of the content and include the unedited byline.
Rion Williams offers a free newsletter subscription on how to have 'natural success with women' and dating. He is the author of the eBook 'Mens Guide to Women'.
You can sign up for his free newsletter by visiting Men's Guide to Women
and you will receive 2 free ebooks immediately. His material will change the way you think about dating and women forever. rion@modelmagnet.com
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