|
Author: Susanna Duffy Article source: http://www.selfgrowth.com/. Used with author's permission.
Men grieve differently from women. Our cultural roles make it difficult for men to look for support, and harder again to accept it. Men are so often silent, solitary mourners who immerse themselves in activity and private, symbolic rituals. They feel profoundly, but often can't express the depth of their loss.
A man is supposed to be "strong," to support, to cope, and to plan in the aftermath of loss. His own pain must be put away.
Grief doesn't discriminate between gender or culture. Our society has placed clear expectations and requirements upon our roles as men and women. Boys learn quickly what behaviour is considered inappropriate through such statements as, "Stand up and take it like a man." "You're the man of the house," and the insidiously cruel "Big boys don't cry."
Male grief tends to have four main characteristics.
1. Moderated feelings
Men have deep feelings but don't express openly, a more readily available feeling is anger. Men deal with their real feelings by redirecting their energies.
2. Cognitive Experience
Men work more with cognitions explaining their grief or with problem-focussed strategies that help them adapt and protect.
3. Problem-Focussed Activity
Men may adapt to loss by practical hands-on finding solutions to problems associated with the loss.
4. Desire for Solitude
Men don't seek support groups. They want to master their own feelings and also reflect the more practical behaviour involved in adapting to a loss.
Societal Demands on Men
Men are expected to be "in control" of life's demands and have to submit to the following demands society has placed on them. They're expected to :-
· remain emotionally and physically strong
· always be rational
· don't cry or publicly mourn
· don't ask for support or affection —-- be self-sufficient
· remain as non-expressive as possible
· provide, not nurture
· shake hands, don't hug.
These generalisations continue to hold their power over men in pain. Let's take the old myth about crying. The truth is it takes a truly strong man to be able to cry. Acknowledging that each of us grieve in very different ways can allow men to cope with loss and pain using their own various coping methods. We all grieve despite our gender, race or culture. We grieve because we have loved and, through our journey, we can be healed.
Tears are a gift
Grieving men need to hear that their tears are a gift to help their healing. Men have historically been fobbed off and denied this important gift. We need to open up to how men grieve and start sharing thoughts and feelings in a more meaningful, supportive way.
The realisation that grief can be a constructive, healing process, which can be shared with others, can inspire us all to be intentional in our grief process. Susanna Duffy is a Civil Celebrant, mythologist and grief counsellor. She is a creator and guide of Rites of Passage for personal ceremonies and civic functions. Website: http://celebrant.yarralink.com
Top Five Spyware Fighting Tips
Whether you realize it or not, there's a quiet little battle raging on your computer. In one corner you have your faithful PC; in the other are malicious agents...
Lessons from the Wedding Mafia
A tight knit group of business owners serving the same market in different ways can be a great way to build a business based on referrals. Discover how to form ...
Youve Done PR the Hard Way Long Enough
Isn't it time to demand the real PR results you're entitled to, and for which you've paid good money?
One of The Main Reasons Why Relationships Fall Apart
If you think that your relationship with your friends, relatives, co-workers, family and spouse is important, you need to read this article.
Ten Customer Service Secrets to Win Back Customers
Learn the skills to win back customers during challenging situations.
What are MLM Leads?
Multi-level marketing (MLM) is a type of direct marketing that involves selling a product, service, information, or business opportunity.
One Simple Action to Increase Search Engine Optimization
Search Engine Optimization (SEO) is big business and very complex. Years ago, Winston Churchill understood how simplicity emerges from complex issues when he sa...
Diet Pill Deception: US and Canada Fake Out Websurfers to Educate Them About Weight Loss Scams
FatFoe...it's a catchy name, and in fact, it's designed to
"catch" websurfers who are looking for a quick weight loss
fix or miracle diet pill. But these aren't...
Teaching Kids the Value of Money
My husband and I have a 12-year-old daughter who wanted to go to a winter retreat with her church youth group last year. Price of trip - $45. I told her I'd tal...
Small Business Pricing Strategies
It's tough out there, particularly because of layoffs and our sluggish economy. So what's a small business entrepreneur trying to make a living to do? Try these...
Pet Food - The Basics
A dog is a man's best friend. You do everything you can to maintain your optimum health. Doesn't your best friend deserve the same?.
Take the Personal Out of the Workplace: Leave Your Troubles at the Door!
Bringing your emotional baggage into the work place is inappropriate for all the reasons you may imagine. Yet employees, managers and business owners do it all ...
Innovation Management – Flexibility
From the above it follows that there are an enormous number of ideas that require analysis and that many ideas will require different strategies, competencies a...
Article Marketing Interview With Kevin Bidwell
Recently I interviewed Kevin Bidwell of All-In-One-Business.com on some of the insights on how he leverages article marketing to help build his business. Kevin ...
How Do We Know When A Relationship Has A Future?
So when we do meet someone new, how do we know when
a bright future is on the horizon? Furthermore, if we think
we have it, how do we really know?
Fall Foliage Scenic Drive - Lakes and Leaves Maine
Fall Foliage in New England offers some of the best leaf peeping anywhere in the world. Scenic drives are a popular way of seeing this wild display of color. T...
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a
bucket of …money. Money? They are continuing
to fill their bucket with stocks without any
consideration to the value o...
To Fry Or Not To Fry?
Is frying food really as bad for you as you were lead to believe? Well, maybe. But it sure is good!
Gods 4 Avenues to Reach the Lost During the Tribulation
If the Church is raptured off the face of the earth before the 7 year Tribulation starts, then how does God go about getting anyone saved during the 7 year Trib...
Secrets of Teaching Yoga
Make your Yoga students become self motivators.
Intelligent Emotions
The emotions of happiness and saddness are so taken for granted that we have forgotten their purpose in being inside of us at all. Over and above anything that ...
Reverse Mortgages - Is It A Good Idea For You?
Reverse mortgages are one of the largest growth areas in the mortgage
business. These mortgages offer older people the chance to get cash based on the equity ...
Online Sales: 10 Mind Boggling, Electrifying Tricks To Ignite Your Sales
Do you want to unleash a tsunami of sales at your website?
Setting Up a Website
Today's technology creates many new challenges for the average person who wants to set up a website. For beginners, setting up a personal website is extremely d...
|
Print this page