I have been through a lot over the last 3 years. I have divorced, suffered from cancer, and started a new relationship with someone I care a great deal about. One of my problems is that I have been trained professionally to be a very secretive person. I have kept things and told lies to this person because of my secretiveness. Needless to say, it has created problems in this relationship. I know that this is wrong, but when you are trained this way, it is a hard habit to break. Please give me some insight as to how I can break this habit. Thank you." ~ Marie
"Greetings and blessings to you precious one. Your request is to overcome the 'habit' of your secretiveness. It is one thing to say that your secretiveness comes as a result of the work you have done, but it may be true that you chose the work you did out of a desire to be secretive. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
"In your case you have been protecting yourself and doing your best to avoid being hurt any more than you have already been hurt. You have created the idea that to be secretive, to close down, or to hide is the best way you know to protect yourself. This keeps you from letting someone in, and it keeps you from being able to come out. There is the fear that if one were to know you completely, they would not like you or love you. There is the fear that if you love or that if you are loved, you will ultimately be hurt.
"There are many ways to experience life's lessons. Every experience can teach you something, yet the same experience might teach ten people ten different things. If one reaches into their oven to take something out and they are burned, one person might say that reaching into a hot oven will cause you to be burned. Another person would say to use your oven mitts when reaching into a hot oven to prevent getting burned. Another person may decide that baking is dangerous and they give it up altogether. Some people might think that they had been stupid and deserved to be burned. You can see that the same experience can offer people many different conclusions. You have had certain experiences and based on those you came to believe that it is better to hide and better to not love or be loved. Those conclusions do not need to be your truths any longer.
"If you think it is better to hide so that one cannot know you and have the opportunity to not like you, you also close the door to the opportunity for someone to like you for who you really are. The key here is for you to break the 'habit' of not liking yourself and being afraid to love yourself.
"Spend some time each day contemplating what you can do every day, what tiny step you could take that day toward liking yourself and loving yourself. Eventually you will look forward to the opportunity to be honest and to put yourself out there. Eventually you may go to the one you are in relationship with now and say to him honestly, 'I am sorry I have not been truthful. I did not know that I was afraid that you might not like what you found and I did not know that I was afraid to love and be loved. I want to like who I am. I want to share that with you, and I want to learn to love and be loved.'
You have everything you need to be able to make that statement and mean it.
"Blessings to you, precious one. Amen."
Inspired by A Course in Miracles, Candace Doyle has been hearing and sharing the Voice of the Holy Spirit within her as a discernible, conversational Voice for over 10 years. Her spiritual advice column, Advice From Within, shares this small, still Voice with others in their times of need. Candace and her husband, DavidPaul, are also the authors of The Journey That Never Was, a guide to hearing God's Voice regardless of one's faith, religion, or personal beliefs. For more information, please visit their website at http://www.rightmindedness.com
Muscle Fitness – Can Yoga Make You Stronger? Can you use yoga to improve your muscle fitness and endurance? Discover how yoga can help you increase strength and balance in your body.
Postcards – Picture Perfect Promotion There is a simple but almost mystical law which governs promotion and marketing and their relationship to the amount of business generated - read on and you'll ...
Social Security Rant This article deals with Social Security. The article debates if Social Security is going broke, and if Social Security should be privatized.
The Real Cost of Health Insurance The premium is only the tip of the health insurance cost iceberg. Be sure to know the deductible(s), co-pays, co-insurance, and other incidental ways they charg...
Internet Marketing Basics Almost all of the articles on Internet marketing lacks coverage on all the basics and all the avenues of Internet marketing because there is just too much infor...
How To Get A Credit Card With No Credit History If you can't build a credit history without credit, and you can't get credit without a credit history, what can you do? Follow the guidelines here and soon you'...
First Aid for Parrots Unfortunately, accidents can - and DO happen, so it's always a good idea to be prepared! While accidents usually produce obvious injuries, illnesses are often k...
How To Potty Train In Two Days Ah, potty training! Go to a local bookseller and you will find dozens of books on the subject. Search the Net and there are thousands of websites with informati...
Music, the Spiritual Connection All through the age's music and spirituality as served hand in hand. As for instruments, the earliest is presumed to be, percussions from noisemakers to drums.
Five Steps to Protecting Your Music and Your Money Good luck as you venture into the formidable music industry. There are several independent labels that are legit, but there are thousands of them that aren't. ...
Evaluate Your Customer When a customer walks into your office, don't sell them the first product that comes to mind. Sit them down and evaluate their needs, than sell them the product...
The Benefits of Patio Gazebos A patio gazebo is a gazebo that sits on or is built into your patio and is very easy and affordable to do. Prices range is $3000 to several thousand or more, de...
Is Cold Calling Dead? Sales author and trainer Frank J. Rumbauskas, Jr. explores the idea that cold calling
is dead and gives several reasons why it has become ineffective and count...
Inspired For Women Women are unique and powerful beings in this world when wielding the truth of the heart wisdom that lives deep within. This article is a testament and tribute h...
Winterizing Your Dog As with all mammals, the winter months pose a particular disadvantage -most
especially to those outside pets many of us have. Below, you'll find a few tips to ...
A Personal Action Plan for Change There are eight distinct steps to constructing and executing an action plan for effective and lasting change. They're so easy you can memorize them in a few min...
Print this page