|
Author: Jeff Herring Article source: http://www.thedatingadvisor.com/. Used with author's permission.
In his book "The Bridge Across Forever," Richard Bach asks the question,
"Have you ever felt alone in a world of strangers, missing someone you have never met?"
The book goes on to describe his search for a partner in life, what he calls a "soul mate."
I believe that all of us have a profound desire to find someone with whom to have a deep and abiding, intimate relationship.
This search springs from a longing inside each of us to find completion and wholeness with another person.
We fear what I we want most
Let's take a look at some of the obstacles to finding this kind of relationship.
Fear of intimacy
We human beings are fairly complicated. Many people deeply fear the very thing they most want. Striking a healthy balance between a fear of and a desire for an intimate relationship can be very difficult. When a fear of intimacy takes over, people can become experts at relationship sabotage.
Faulty relationship radar. Some people continually make the same poor choices of partner. It's as if each of us had an "internal radar" that picks up "our kind" of person.
Whether your radar scans for healthy or unhealthy choices depends on how it is set. How your internal radar, is set depends on three factors:
1) your self-esteem,
2) the model of relationships set by the family in which you grew up and
3) your own relationship experience.
Movies, literature and music have given us the notion that "somewhere out there" is the one perfect person for each of us. I'll probably get some letters about this, but I don't think this matches reality. If you just look around, you'll notice that many "perfect matches" are divorced within a few years.
In one episode of the 1-V show "M•A•S•H" is a scene in which Hawkeye and Margaret are sitting at a bar commiserating about their relationships, which have just ended. One says to the other, "Our problem is that we keep looking I for a perfect, tailored fit in an offthe-rack world.".
This is where a great many people get stuck. It's my belief that in fact there are many people out there who have the potential to be a "good fit" as a soul mate.
Chain relationships. In much the same way that chain smokers will smoke one cigarette after another, some people move out of one relationship and then immediately into another'. These people are typically running from something and have very little knowledge or sense of self when they are not in, relationships.
Concentrate on yourself
Now that we have looked at a few of the obstacles to finding a soul mate, let's consider a few tips that might aid in the search.
Becoming the right person vs. looking for the right person This means at least two things:
1) developing yourself to the point that you become eligible to be someone's right person and
2) adjusting your own relationship radar so that you bring yourself into contact with suitable potential partners.
The truth of this has been borne out in my interviews with hundreds of couples. When I ask the question "How did you two find each other?" countless people say that, when they stopped looking and focused on something else in their lives, their current partners just showed up.
It's an interesting paradox - finding by not looking.
Know what you are looking for
I was on a radio program recently when a man phoned in to say that going to singles meetings looking for a partner is like going to a used-car lot to find a nice car. I bet he gets lots of dates.
That aside, a different car analogy is useful here. When we go shopping for a car, we usually have a mental list of things we must have in a car as well as things we would like to have. Sometimes, we find one with many things we would like to have, but without one of the must-haves. It would still drive OK, but it's just not for us.
Looking for a soul mate, it's important to know what you would like to have and what you must have. That's a list worth developing. Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for more tips and tools for conscious dating. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
Credit Repair After Bankruptcy
You've asked yourself the question many times, "Will I ever get credit again?" The answer, although seemingly complex, is quite simple: Yes. You can have anothe...
Cushings Disease
The signs,treatment and management of cushing disease in horses and ponies
If You Want Healing Step Out of the Boat
What is keeping us in the boat when it comes to believing in Jesus to heal our body of sickness and disease? We know what it means to "man the oars," but to ste...
Why Business Owners Need Security
The main reason is to stop any potential lawsuits from happening! But do you know how many individuals I have talked to about this very thing? Many! Do you know...
Getting Out of Debt - Military Debt Relief
Don't let the easy access of obtaining credit cards drive you in debt. Often time, people take advantage of the easy access to credit cards and run up a large ...
Security of GSM System
GSM provides a secure and confidential method of communication. Although in the past there have been attacks on it still GSM is the most secure public wireless ...
Baby Shower Invitation: Announcing the Arrival of the Little Cherub!
Customized baby shower invitation cards with personal touches are what you need for making your baby shower party a memorable one. A baby shower invitation card...
Choosing the Right Furniture
The furniture in a person's home says a lot about personal style and taste.
Autism and Nutritional Supplements
Lack of necessary Vitamins and minerals is a common problem in all over the United States and more acutely detected in children suffering with Autism. This arti...
Body Dysmorphia: Mind Games After Gastric Bypass Surgery
Maybe you've heard about body dysmorphia - it's a mental image many victims of anorexia nervosa have that tells them they look fat, even when they are emaciated...
The Truth About Platinum
Why platinum is a great investment in the long run.
Plan Your Day and Stick to Your Plan
Do you wish you had more hours in the day? Instead of wishing, learn how to get the most out of the hours you have and become an exceptional planner of your da...
Dont Pinch That Pimple
It's everyone's worst nightmare. Waking up the day before a special event to discover a big, red pimple baring itself for all to see right on your face!
Creating A Business Plan For Your Business
Find information about creating a business plan, what to include and how it is a good capital and management tool for your business.
Potassium and Its Benefits to the Human Body
Potassium is a mineral that serves a variety of purposes within the body. Despite its importance to so many of the body's functions and systems, most people do ...
How You Can Create Advertising That Sells!
This article includes essential underlying concepts and tips that will allow you to create ads that dramatically increase your sales and profits...
How to Get More Mileage Out of Your Media Coverage
There's no denying the value of editorial side coverage, but you can't count on people reading a news or feature item about your company and acting on the
info...
Intuition Power In Three Steps
Anyone can be more intuitive. Learn how to develop the power of your intuition in three simple steps.
Life Fitness Ellipticals are Among the Best
The Life Fitness company makes six different models. They are the Life Fitness Elliptical X3, the Life Fitness Elliptical X3i, the Life Fitness Elliptical X5, t...
Phishing and Pharming: Dangerous Scams
As soon as almost all computer users already got used to -- or at least heard about -- the word "phishing", another somewhat confusing word appeared. Pharming. ...
Where Are You Currently Heading?
Do you have a clear purpose in life? Do you know what you are and where you're going? If you have no clear direction, where will you go? This article will help ...
Get Your Credit Score To Soar In The Twinkling of An Eye
The IN's and OUT's of your credit score. You can give your credit score the boost it needs if you master the factors that play role in the making up of your cre...
My Children
As a single mom, it's often hard because you are the only one to deal with the children. You often second guess yourself and wonder if what you are doing is ri...
An Explanation of Forex Trading
Forex trading means the simultaneous buying of one currency, and selling of another. The currency of one country is exchanged for that of another. The currencie...
|
Print this page