|
Author: Wayne Mitchell Article source: http://www.livingnow.info/. Used with author's permission.
Fourteen years ago I was divorced from my second wife, her idea. I'll call her Kay. But I never lost my love for her. She married again and had two children. We always remained friends, however my new wife could not relate to that, so contact via any manner was limited.
Kay divorced again about four years ago, and my wife just passed away recently. Kay sent her condolences and that has led to a meeting for coffee in the near future. First, I feel guilt because my wife's passing is not even a month old, and my heart is buzzing for Kay. Second, my heart tells me I could live with Kay for the rest of my life, but my intellect tells me I would be a fool to now raise the two kids of the man she left me for.
I feel if I ever commit myself to Kay, I may regret the children, and our relationship would be ruined. I also feel if I don't commit myself to Kay, I may regret losing the woman I never stopped loving.
Keith
Keith, a friend of ours is a superb horsewoman. A few years ago she acquired a stunningly beautiful, gray Paso Fino horse. This horse had the characteristic gait of the Paso Fino. When he walked slowly forward, his hooves beat the ground in a perfect four beat rhythm like the rapid roll of a drum. She knew he had been mishandled and abused by a string of previous owners.
Our friend saw the potential in this horse, but no matter how much she worked with him, she could not make him achieve that potential. She experienced one more thing. This was a dangerous animal. A less accomplished rider might have been seriously injured. Finally, she had to admit the horse's flaws and let him go.
In your imagination there is something about Kay which allows you to deny the reality of her actions. You wooed Kay, you were engaged to Kay, you legally married Kay, and she left you for another man. You might call her children the children of another man, but they are her children. They came out of her body. The children are completely innocent.
Until you can get this turned around in your head, you need to consider whether to even meet Kay. The term which describes what you are doing is displacement. It means transferring emotion from the original object to a more acceptable substitute. The loathing you feel for Kay's children is really the loathing and anger you feel toward Kay for leaving you.
Put the blame where it belongs. It doesn't belong on the children, it belongs on Kay. Kay is looking out for Kay. Like our friend with the Paso Fino, you need to admit Kay's flaws and let her go.
Wayne & Tamara
He Loves Me Not
Me and my boyfriend recently split up. It was amicable, but he turned nasty, said he hated me, and erased me from his mobile. Then he decided he would like to be friends. To make matters worse, he keeps telling me he misses me and still loves me. I feel like he's messing with my head. Is there any advice you can give me in order to either get him back or to move on? I feel like he's playing games.
Alice
Alice, your ex-boyfriend has you pulling petals from a daisy. With the first you say, "He loves me." With the second you say, "He loves me not." He has you wondering which answer the final petal will yield. He has you playing games.
With a true love the flower isn't destroyed. All the petals are intact. But when someone makes you play this game, know that the final petal always is, "He loves me not." Accept the answer and move on.
Wayne & Tamara
Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 12, 2004 About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Relationship Room
Is there room in your life for what you want?
Be Alert! Others Can Catch Your Money Easily!
The article warns about the newest plague in the internet: phishing. It describes how internet users can be deceived easily and how they can protect their money...
Ephedra - 101
Ephedra is back: Boosts energy levels; Burns calories and fat; Suppresses your appetite, so you eat less naturally - without feeling deprived; Gives you increa...
Things To Consider Before Buying a Condo Hotel or Resort Residence
Resort home ownership, such as condo hotels and fractional shares is different from typical home ownership. So it is important to ask certain questions before ...
Parenting in the Kitchen – Lessons in Cooking, Socializing, and Bonding
Kitchens are where everything happens. It's not just where meals are prepared - it's usually the hub of the home, where family and friends get together to spen...
A Look at Punta Cana Real Estate
Punta Cana is an affordable destination in a magnificent tropical setting. There are hotels that range from moderate to the luxurious.
Dump Those Helping Verbs from Your Ads and Promotion Copy
Like passive verbs, the 23 helping verbs you learned in grade school will kill your ad and promotion copy. Examples are given to make the point.
Its an Alien World in Every River
When you look at a river, what do you see? A few flies on top? A fish or two? Look closer. Lay down on your chest at the side of the river and stare down in...
747 Onboard Laser Might Cause Mistake and Identity
What happens when a mititary aircraft looks like a civilian airliner and a trigger happy enemy picks the wrong plane to shoot at?
The Thoughts that Occupy the Minds of Most Men
This article is not an attempt to give you a comprehensive list of the thoughts of all men, but rather my attempt to lead you into the crevice of the minds of m...
Happiness Increases Longevity...Where Do We Find This Gift of Life?
How to find authentic happiness and improve our chances for long life.
Every Pharmaceutical Drug LEECHES Nutrients From Your Body
Are you currently on one or more pharmaceutical drugs? Perhaps you are not aware, but every pharmaceutical drug depletes the body of various nutrients, deprivin...
Anti Wrinkle Cream Basics
Information about anti wrinkle cream basics
Key To Success: Guilt By Association & Wealth By It Too!
Explains the Little-Known Power of Association!
MLM Success - You MUST Become Success Flammable in Network Marketing
How do you start an MLM Success Inferno? Would you like to light a spark in your business that ends up BLAZING? Read on!
How Are You Treating Your Pet?
Find out some key differences that make a "good" or a "bad" dog food or cat food. This Article originally appeared in the July 2005 Healthy Pet Net Newsletter. ...
How To Find A Mortgage With Bad Credit
There are simple steps to take if you want to find a mortgage even with bad credit.
The Value of Antique Wood Stoves
Antique wood stoves provide decoration and can still be used for heating and cooking. Stoves from as long ago as the 1870's are available for purchase in antiqu...
Health Supplement Overview
This article gives a Health supplement overview of some basic nutrition in herbal supplements.
7 Great Ways to Lose Your Shirt Using Google Adwords!
If you've ever thought about using Google adwords, or any other pay-per-click search engine, they can be a source of highly-targeted source of hungry customers....
Selecting The Right Type of Stroller For Your Lifestyle
A stroller is the most critical piece of equipment you'll own as a new parent. Selecting the right stroller is easy if you know what to look for. The first th...
The Need For A Website Emetrics Audit Before Major Design Changes
Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. An analysis of how a site is performing before any major changes are made not only provides a benchmark to measur...
The Secrets To Improving Childrens Behaviour
There is no doubt that it is children's irritating behaviours such as whining, nagging and tantrums that can wear parents out.
Honeymoon Vacation Ideas can be Economical
If you are looking for honeymoon vacation ideas that will be the most enjoyable without putting you into massive debt, consider some of these tips.
|
Print this page